It's been a while, well, it feels that way. It's been almost two weeks since I posted last and there is a reason as to why it's been so long, I've hit a wall. A major wall. For the last two weeks I've done nothing but feel sorry for myself, don't judge, we all feel sorry for ourselves from time to time. But I've just felt uninspired about everything. I don't know what I'm doing with my life, which at times is frightening considering I'm 26 this year and you kind of feel that you should at least know that, but then at the same time I feel as though a lot of people feel that way, a lot more than you think. First of all, I have hit a creative block, everything I found exciting or that I thoroughly enjoyed, just feels like a task, oh, I HAVE to do that, as opposed to just going out and doing it without even thinking or feeling as though it was a burden.
Another thing is negative people *disclaimer* any friends and there are a couple who may end up reading this do not assume I am talking about you, I'm not stupid enough to post something about you when I know that you tend to read my blog! So don't text or call asking if it's about you, because next time it might just be...LOL. *endofdisclaimer* I have noticed that I'm surrounded with negative people and have been for a while, I was never a negative person, I never looked at a person and thought, what the hell where you thinking. I had more important things to worry about than what someone was wearing or how they looked, but there is so much negativity everywhere, not just in personal circles, but in general. I can't go out anywhere without overhearing someone saying something vile and nasty about a person they don't even know, not to mention the racist side of things, I'm constantly biting my tongue when it comes to that, I'd tear you a new hole if I ever hear you say something racist, can't stand racist people. Tangent over. As I was saying all I ever hear is negativity and no matter how hard you fight it and I did for a long time, it eventually breaks you down and creeps it's way inside. At first you don't notice it, you'll say some things here and there and you tend to pull yourself up on it and it keeps going like that, slowly building, till one day you wake up and think to yourself, what the hell happened to me. I did that, not too long ago and now if I hear someone say something negative, mostly people in my circle, I'll say something a long the lines of "hey, if it makes them happy, thats all that matters" because that is all that matters, If someone is happy with how they are dressed or the colour of the hair or the way they are acting, who are we to say otherwise. I never used to and hopefully I'll be back to that way of thinking soon enough. The negativity played a big part in the quarter life crisis wall, when I started thinking about that and how it slowly started to eat away at me, I started to think about everything else in my life, which can make you extremely depressed, once you start thinking it's hard to stop, you end up realising that you are 25 and have hardly lived any of your life, life goes by so fast and to feel as though you have wasted it and that you don't feel you have a purpose is scary and a real eye opener. I have taken steps to change everything, I say yes to more things, I go places by myself because I feel there is no point in missing out on something if nobody else wants to go. That side of things is slowly turning around and I feel as though the wall is slowly falling apart (as cheesy as it sounds) and that soon enough this will be another one of life's lesson, the lesson to not sit around and feel sorry for yourself, to go out and experience life, even if you haven't got anyone to do it with, at first. Surround yourself with happy people and not negative nellys. BE HAPPY. Maybe all of these things in the end will improve on every aspect of my life, especially in trying to find a new job, I feel the reason I'm finding it extra hard to hard to find a job is because I haven't been in A good place. Those things tend to make their way through and show to others even if it isn't obvious to you. Hopefully one day it will be all done and dusted and I'll be back to who I was when I was 20. Hopefully I'll be able to continue to stand my ground and not be knocked down when it comes to negativity, it's a horrible feeling, it makes you bitter and I have no plans to feel that way again. That's pretty much everything, I feel a huge sense of relief for getting it all out in the open, and if you have managed to sit there and read through it all, well done. I don't really have anyone I feel I can talk to about these thing but having this blog is certainly something that is going to help me from keeping things bottled up and for that I am thankful.
Until next time, Take care x